I received a message from a mother asking: "How do I know that my child has truly overcome the trauma?"
Because this question is frequently asked by many educators, I wanted to share the answer in this short article.
When a child experiences trauma or a situation beyond their ability to cope, this experience remains stored unprocessed in their nervous system, manifesting as anxiety, nightmares, or behavioral problems. Therefore, understanding the biological mechanisms by which the brain processes pain is fundamental to providing appropriate educational support.
Some modern techniques, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), rely on the principle of bilateral stimulation of the two hemispheres of the brain to help the child transfer the memory from the active, stress-causing memory to the less affected distant memory, so that the memory remains but without severe pain.
Practical steps for dealing with a child after a traumatic event:
1- Provide physical stability
After the shock, the child suffers from high excitability in the nervous system, so he needs physical safety before any talk or analysis.
Increase safe physical contact such as hugs, as tactile stimuli send calming signals to the fear center in the brain. Your own calmness also acts as an "external control" that helps the child regain their balance.
2 - Reframe the beliefs
The trauma often generates negative beliefs in the child such as: "I am in danger" or "I am helpless" .
Help the child express what happened through drawing or speaking, then rephrase the idea with a safer belief such as:
"The situation is over, and you are now safe."
"You were brave and acted well."
This cognitive correction reduces the distress associated with the memory.
3- Use rhythmic stimulation (butterfly hug)
This is a simple method that helps the child calm down:
The child places his hands crossed on his chest, then gently taps his shoulders alternately with his fingers, while breathing slowly and regularly.
This alternating stimulation helps to calm his nervous system and reduce the tension associated with the painful memory.
4 - Establish a daily routine
After the shock, the child feels that the world has become unpredictable, and this increases his inner anxiety.
Daily routines (sleep, meal, study, play) help restore a sense of stability and security, because regularity sends an indirect message to the nervous system saying: life is still organized and safe .
Therefore, try to maintain your daily habits as much as possible, as repetition and regularity are among the most important factors for recovery.
5- Seek help from a specialist when needed
If symptoms such as recurring nightmares, frequent flashbacks, or intense fear persist, this is an indication that the memory has not yet been processed.
In this case, it is preferable to consult a psychologist trained to work with children, especially using techniques such as EMDR, as the sessions help to reduce sensitivity to the memory so that it becomes less disturbing for the child.
Remember that a child's recovery from trauma does not mean that he has forgotten what happened, but rather that he has become able to remember the event without feeling the same fear or the same pain.
This is achieved when the child finds a conscious educator who provides security, gives time, and uses the right methods of support.
The role of the educator is not to remove pain from the child’s life, as this is impossible, but rather to provide the child with the psychological tools that help him cope with crises.
A child who receives conscious and organized support gains a greater ability to overcome difficult experiences and, over time, transform them into an experience that gives him strength and maturity.
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