The girl came to her mother after returning from school, amazed and happy with what her teacher had presented today in the model lesson attended by the principal and supervisors. She said, "Mom, I wish they would come every day. Our teacher today was different! She was amazing!" And she asked us to help her in front of the guests!
On the other hand, at home, some educators allow their children to go against the norm and behave as they please, as long as they are at home, or away from people’s view. However, they are more careful and scrutinizing their children’s behavior in public. For example, a mother might say to her son: “Don’t let people see you like this,” or: “What would people say about you if they heard you say this?”, and also: “Don’t do that, or people might say that you are…” If the mother wanted to deter her son from wearing something she doesn’t like, for example, she might say: “Wear what people like.” People… people.
It's as if the educator takes refuge behind the child's instinct to love perfection in form and appearance, and to enjoy hearing flattery, and that he will quickly obey it, because he is interested in people seeing him in the best light. Add to that the person's hatred, whether big or small, for people to find out about his mistakes. But the educator's exaggeration in repeating these phrases to the child and repeating them, programs his mind, and they become fixed in his subconscious; to be the starting point for his behavior, and the measure of his actions in the future.
Even more dangerous is what children learn from these words that exaggerate the value of appearances without the reality, and make relying on people’s judgment as a ceiling for judging behavior, and making pleasing them a goal to strive for, not pleasing God!! This distances them from the natural nature that God Almighty created us with, which needs to be instilled through multiple situations that provide correct experiences and guide the child and direct his behavior. Thus, the behavior of children becomes straightened so that they strive in every place and time to please God secretly and openly, whether people are pleased or displeased. “He who pleases God while people are displeased, God will be pleased with him and people will be pleased with him.”
When we review our Islamic history and adhere to the Prophet’s education, we find that when the Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, directed Anas, he did not say: Do not do that in front of people, but rather directed him in a general and permanent manner, saying: “Say in the name of God, eat with your right hand, and eat from what is in front of you…” whether in front of people or alone. He also emphasizes that a person should not be guided by what people want, and orders us to be careful not to follow people without adhering to God’s limits and referring to our consciences: “Let none of you be an imitator. If people do good, then they do good…”
There is a lesson in the stories of our ancients. When her mother ordered her to adulterate the milk, she refused, saying, “If Omar cannot see me, then Omar’s Lord can.” As a child, Ibn Taymiyyah responded to his teacher by saying, “I have not found a place where God cannot see me.” Let us be mindful of our words, for they set the bar and build the values of righteousness.
When we guide our children, let us remind them that the Lord of mankind sees us, and let us be a role model in our behavior in front of them. We should not be too good or too bad in behaving in front of people and neglect proper behavior when we are alone.
On the authority of Abu Hurairah, may God be pleased with him, who said: The Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, said: “God does not look at your bodies or your images, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.” I ask God to help us and inspire us with guidance and righteousness.